Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
