There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
