i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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