remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dicks are not precious.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
