i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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