She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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