i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
