there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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