I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
