I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
