Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
