tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
