If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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