4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
