My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
