Welp...herpes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
