it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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