CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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