i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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