Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
send nudes
from the living room?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
