Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
