He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
