You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
