Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i drank out of a bidet.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
