Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
