she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
