Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
