...so i touched it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
