Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
