What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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