Plan B is the new Plan A
I didn't shave. On purpose
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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