Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
