The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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