um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
