I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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