It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
