You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
