Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
