she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
