Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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