O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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