Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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