She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found the puke drawer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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