My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wear drunk well.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
