i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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