East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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