I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
