i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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