Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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