My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My feet surprised me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
