Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong