I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!