Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.