he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".