Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
