found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling