Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
