On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
