That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
