Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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