Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
