Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
