I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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