dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
