ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
