He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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