So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
