Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
