everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
