Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
